The unloved wife

Genesis 29:31 – 35
The unloved wife

A. Disturbing theological and moral things:

1. Two wives...

a. There is no Scripture guidance into how many wives a man may have.

b. However:

“The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” [Genesis 2:18 NIV]

“Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife...” [1 Timothy 3:2a also see 1 Timothy 3:12, Titus 1:6 NIV]

c. If you use example [Peter, Priscilla and Aquila, and others] then you also have to consider Abraham, Jacob, Moses, etc...

2. Married sisters...

“Do not take your wife's sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living.” [Leviticus 18:18] (Jacob lived long before the Law was given, but I wonder if the social norms were not already in place.)

3. God takes Leah’s side when God did the same thing...


"I have loved you," says the LORD. "But you ask, `How have you loved us?' "Was not Esau”
Jacob's brother?" the LORD says. "Yet I have loved Jacob, [3] but Esau I have hated...” [Malachi 1:2 – 3a NIV]

“Just as it is written: ‘Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.’” [Romans 9:13 NIV]

***** BOTH are in context to nations NOT individuals. Jacob represents of Israel and Esau represents Edom. *****

B. Leah’s plight:

“When the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.” [Genesis 29:31 ESV] (ASV, RSV, KJV)

The NIV says, “Leah was not loved”

The CEV says, “Jacob loved Rachel more than he did Leah”

The Geneva (before the KJV) says, “Leah was despised”

1. Think about how this marriage came to be...

a. Jacob loved Rachel, it was “love at first sight.” What could be more romantic?

b. Jacob agreed to work for SEVEN years for Rachel... aaawwwww.

c. Uncle Laban TRICKED Jacob into marrying Leah. (How can you be that drunk?)

d. Jacob then agreed to work ANOTHER seven years for Rachael...

Rachel was wanted... 14 years of hard work to get her. Leah was part of him getting conned.

2. With two wife and two concubines a “baby race” was started...

a. God took Leah’s side... [v 31] “He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.”

b. Situation:

1.) Jealousy between the wives.

2.) Unchecked sexual appetite from Jacob (sexual relations with four women at the same time).

3.) The playing of favorites (which Jacob learned from his parents).

Wesley – “When the Lord saw that Leah was hated - That is, loved less than Rachel, ... the Lord granted her a child, which was a rebuke to Jacob for making so great a difference between those he was equally related to; a check to Rachel, who, perhaps insulted over her sister upon that account; and a comfort to Leah, that she might not be overwhelmed with the contempt put upon her.”

C. Universal husband – wife problem:

1. “The unloved wife.”

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” [Ephesians 5:25]

a. We “love” what we value...

b. Who/what we love becomes our priority, passion, and possibly obsession.

2. “The disrespected husband”

a. Contempt is THE major relationship killer. (It is “almost” impossible to recover from contempt...)

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” [Ephesians 5:33]

b. A lack of "respect" means “contempt” (Oxford University Press) and comes from:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” [Ephesians 5:22]

3. What is missing:

a. Wives need their husband’s love AND husbands need their wives’ respect or the relationship breaks down into an ugly spiral that increases the lack of love and lack of respect to the point were one, if not both, check out of the relationship (in some way).

b. There is a very real sense of MUTUAL submission required!

“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” [Ephesians 5:21]

Or as the CEV puts it: “Honor Christ and put others first.”

D. Leah’s journey and solution:

1. She had four children... each had a different meaning.

a. [v 32] Reuben... (lit. “see a son”) “now my husband will love me.”

b. [v 33] Simon... (lit. “hearing”) “the LORD has heard I am hated.”

c. [v 34] Levi... (lit. “attached”) “this time my husband will be attached to me.”

d. [v 35] Judah... (lit. “celebrated”) “this time I will praise the Lord.”

2. What this means:

a. She starts with the desperate need of having Jacob love her.

b. She becomes bitter because her husband will not respond.

c. She gives up trying. The best she hopes for is “attachment.”


d. She praises God... something has changed.

1.) She has either become loved by her husband OR

2.) She has found her self-worth in God OR

3.) Both...

3. Jacob chose to buried with Leah... in their ancestral tomb.

“Then he commanded them and said to them, "I am to be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite, [30] in the cave that is in the field at Machpelah, to the east of Mamre, in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought with the field from Ephron the Hittite to possess as a burying place. [31] There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife. There they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife, and there I buried Leah.” [Genesis 49:29 – 31]

Conclusion:

1. Maybe our problem is that we depend to much on the other person for our emotional well being... (respect, love)

2. Since our emotional well being is rooted in the need to understand our relationship in terms of “love” we enter unhealthy downward spirals.

3. Leah’s lesson is to ground our self-worth and being in God, not others (husband, wife, children, work, church, etc...)

4. That frees us to fulfill our side of what is necessary in the relationship.

5. Result: the probability that the other person(s) will fulfill their responsibilities!

The Joy of the Cross: Purpose

Luke 24:44 – 49

The Joy of the Cross: Purpose

Rick Warren, commenting about the search for purpose, in “Purpose Driven Life” stated, “typically we begin at the wrong starting point – ourselves.”

That’s a difficult idea because human nature sees the world and other people as extension of the individual self. Basically we project our feelings and motivations on others. The human sin nature knows no other way, no other starting point, no other reasoning process.

Christ cut through all the nonsense of our self–orientation. Strange, when you are able to step away from the basic self–orientation... you discover that when you begin with yourself, nothing will ever completely make sense.

 

I.         Scripture is the starting point.

 

            A.        We must have God’s help to understand Scripture.

 

                        1.         “Then He (Jesus) opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.” [v 45]

 

                                    a.         These are people who had been with Jesus for three and a half years.

 

                                    b.         They struggled with their faith and the revolutionary ideas Jesus proposed.

 

                                    c.         Even after the resurrection, they did not understand.

“The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” [1 Corinthians 2:14]

 

                        2.         Does this set up a special “privileged” class?

 

                                    a.         The easy answer is “yes.” You cannot understand what God does not open to you.

 

                                    b.         The hard answer is “no.” God makes you responsible for understanding, which means He provides the means for you to understand.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” [Romans 12:2]

 

            B.        That means, we must understand.

 

                        1.         God expects us to put some effort into testing and approving His will.

 

                        2.         Another word for this is “discern” (“distinguish with difficulty by sight or with the other senses.” Oxford University Press)

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, [10] so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ...” [Philippians 1:9 – 10]

 

II.       The message is the starting block.

 

            A.        The message is about Jesus: “The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day.” [v 46b]

 

                        1.         Jesus is the Messiah (Christ) spoken about in the Old Testament.

 

                                    a.         Some people struggle with the concept of Jesus dying on the cross.

“Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, [23] but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, [24] but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.” [1 Corinthians 1:22 – 24]

 

                                    b.         Yet God played the strongest possible move (in chess terms) a sacrifice. The sacrifice was necessary to satisfy the idea of “justice.” (A price/penalty must be paid for our sins. We cannot do it, so Jesus as the sinless Lamb of God took our place and paid the penalty.)

“God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice...” [Romans 3:25a]

 

                        2.         Jesus rose from the dead!

 

                                    a.         If we focus on the means of Jesus’ death we miss the fact that the resurrection is prove positive of who Jesus is.

“And who through the Spirit of holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord.” [Romans 1:4]

 

                                    b.         The tombs of past leaders such as Buddha, Mohammed, etc... are occupied with earthly remains. Jesus’s tomb is empty.

 

                                    c.         So we enjoy, not just words... we participate in the most powerful event in history.

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” [Philippians 3:10]

 

            B.        Our response to the message is “repentance.” [Repent is to change the mind and the behavior.]

 

                        1.         There are different reactions to guilt triggers.

 

                                    a.         Psychology will try to teach us to change our beliefs so our interpretation of consequences of our actions will change. But this does not produce positive productive life change, it only masks the cause of the problem.

 

                                    b.         Addiction is a form of self-medication we can use to dull the pain.

 

                                    c.         Sin does have its pleasure for a short time [see Hebrews 11:25], so sin is a form of distraction.

 

                                    d.         Call it what you want, there are only two types of reactions/responses to the guilt of sin.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” [2 Corinthians 7:10]

 

                        2.         Repentance is necessary.

 

                                    a.         Peter expressed the heart of God this way: “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” [2 Peter 3:9]

 

                                    b.         Paul asks: “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?” [Romans 2:4]

 

                                    c.         Trouble is, human nature fights against the need to admit we are wrong (change the mind) and take serious corrective action (change the behavior).

(Scripture is the starting point, the message about Jesus and our response in repentance is the starting block but staying on track is our responsibility.)

 

III.      Our responsibility is to stay on track.

 

            A.        Notice Jesus said: “You are witnesses of these things.” [v 46]

 

                        1.         You means you, not someone else’s responsibility.

 

                                    a.         Before William Carey’s time it was believed this was just for the original Apostles. Their obstacles:

 

                                                1.)       “Theological rigidity” in a perverted form of the doctrine of “predestination.”

 

                                                2.)       “Sanctified Self-interest” where the church’s responsibility was to “nurture the seeds of faith planted in baptism.”

(Source: Eerdmans’ Handbook to the History of Christianity, p. 549)

 

                                    b.         William Carey preached a sermon in 1792 where he stated, “expect great things from God, attempt great things for God.”

 

                                                1.)       It was not long after that sermon that Carey headed to India as one of the first pioneer Protestant missionaries to “non-elect” (non-Western) world.

 

                                                2.)       The gravity of Christianity has shifted from Western and English speaking nations to the rest of the world. Christianity has become a world religion. (The head of the World Fellowship of the Free Methodist church is from the Philippines.)

 

                        2.         What does a witness do?

 

                                    a.         A witness tells the truth from their perspective and experience.

 

                                    b.         In our case, we tell truth handed to us through Scripture and we tell how we have experienced the life changing power of faith in Jesus and our response in repentance.

 

            B.        Jesus promised us help.

 

                        1.         God never tells us to do something we cannot do... So if He expects us do something, it is more than possible.

 

                        2.         When God tells us to do something supernatural... such as witness... He gives us the resources to do it. (Pocket Testament League presentation.  See www.pocketpower.org)

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